I loved this book. Like most books that I read I didn't want it to end. I want to hear more about this family. (I'll have to email the author and let her know that!)
The book is about the bond between family members. It is primarily about the relationship between 3 sisters and the journey of deciding just how much they are willing to stick together "no matter what".
After reading this book I began to think about the relationship that I had with my brother. Did I stick with him enough when things got tough? Did I give him enough support? Did I stick up for him in times when family should stick together? Did he know that I was here for him no matter what? Did we make sure to set aside special time for just me and him?
I've been thinking about this for the past week. Mulling it over in my mind, looking at it from every angle, psychoanalyzing myself (Boy, I wish I wasn't so good at that...), beating myself up, patting myself on the back....you get the point.
I've concluded that I did the best that I knew how to do at the time. Now that I know that my time with him was limited, of course I wish I could go back and do more. The year that he was sitting in the hospital and then at home recovering from his injuries from the wreck there are plenty of opportunities that I missed for good quality time with him. That makes me sad. On a good day, he would say, "You were busy. You were taking care of your boys. You had a job to go to. I look up to you. I am so amazed at all that you get done." On a bad day....in respect of my love for him and because it hurts me to relive those moments, I'm not gonna tell you what he would say. Regardless, I'm very sad to think about all the things I could have learned from him, memories I could have made with him, bonds we could have strengthened that didn't happen because I was too busy to take the time to go sit with him.
I tried to stick with my brother during tough times. I think I did a pretty good job at it. There were times that I struggled between sticking up for him and supporting him and also being true to my convictions, beliefs, opinions. He would tell you that I couldn't relate or understand a lot of what he was going through and experiencing. I tried...but I couldn't...I was naive...he kept me that way too. He didn't want me to understand that part of his life. I tried to help him however I could...no would would deny that (I don't think). I never stopped loving him. I never stopped praying for him. I never stopped believing that he could make the changes he wanted and needed to make. I tried to always treat him the same. When we were together, usually during family gatherings/events, and he was pretending that everything was okay, I did too because that's how he and I both wished things were. I tried to always tell him with God's help he could reach the goals, no matter how large and difficult they looked, that he wanted to reach.
However, during our life together, I finally learned that I had to respect myself and set boundaries for our relationship to keep from getting hurt. In order to do that, I missed a large amount of time in the last several years of his life. I decided that I wasn't going to keep listening on days that "weren't so good". I decided that it was worth the chance to back off in hopes that he would reach out and seek me out and realize that he had hurt me and say he was sorry. If I could do it over, I might not do that again but I don't know for sure. The thing I didn't do at the time was consider the ramifications of that decision. I didn't think that the time for our relationship was limited. I mean, I did, but I didn't. Anyhow, I do know that he loved me and that I meant a lot to him and that a lot of what he said and did had to do with his struggles instead of how he really felt.
This book was good for me. I didn't realize until I was finished that in the back of my mind it as making me think of my relationship with Michael (to me, he was always Michael). I'm pretty sure that my brother knew that he could count on me. I hope he knew that I was always ready to support him in anyway that I could.
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