Missing my brother again...

I hate to be repetitive but I'd like to say that....I have really missed my brother this week. Forever is going to be a long time...or at least it could be. I want to talk to him so much. People tell me that I can...but I don't get that. I can't see him and he can't talk back to me. Maybe he can hear me but I suspect that he is busy embracing God and PEACE which he had longed for for so long. I love my brother and I miss him so much. Last night I couldn't sleep...the only person I really wanted to talk to was him. (for one, if you know him, you'd know that he would have been up!) Then I just couldn't stop thinking about how there is no one else on earth that I could talk to like I could talk to him. Yes, there are other people that I can talk to...just not the way that he and I talked. I really wish I wouldn't have taken our conversations for granted before. I really wish that I could just talk to him once more. I really wish that I could say goodbye. (Dad - this is probably making you cry...I'm sorry.) Recently I found a letter that he sent me while he was in prison, here's something that he said to me in it:

"Kathy, I do not take you, Brent, and all the rest of the family for granted. I get lost in reality. I love you, I always thank God, and think about my supporting family amidst my continuous struggles. I place no fault on anyone other than myself and Satan. God is bigger and I know it. I don't know how this letter will find you, but be at peace. God is in control, even in control of me..."

He could have written this to me right before he died, but he didn't; instead it wrote it about a year and a half earlier. I read it though and try to remember that right now he would want me to be at peace. It's not easy.