Missing Michael

Yesterday Jessica, Dad, Mom, Bill, Karen, and Brandon went through Michael's things. It was 15 months and 2 days after his death. In some ways it wasn't as difficult as I expected and in other ways it was more difficult than I expected. While my brother didn't really own much of value, there were different things that we all took to remember him by. For me seeing things that brought back memories that I had forgotten was the hardest. Well, actually, what was hard was not having him to laugh and appreciate the memories with me! It was interesting to find things that he had kept over the years that I didn't know about...he was very sentimental. Once I broke his slinky and he never let me forget that. I found the one that I bought him to replace it with (years later)...never used, of course. I found things from his childhood that brought back sweet memories of my little brother! I found clothes that I bought for him and books that we had both read and discussed together. He was supposed to read The Green Mile so we could discuss it together...we had watched the movie together and he understood symbolism so much better than me. He was going to read the book and then explain all the symbolism to me. One of my favorites which you will see when you visit my house - an old sign that he found once at a consignment store when we were together - "Compliments to the Chef will be warmly rewarded"

It's sad to me that when someone is gone, all that's left is the memories you hold of them and the few material possessions that they leave behind. Of course, keeping those items will not bring them back, but having a few special things keeps those memories alive and a little more real.

Michael LOVED to go through his things and talk about why he kept them, where he got them, etc. I wish that I could have done that with him yesterday instead of going through them without him. Boy, I really miss him!