Self-sabotage...is that a word?

All of you who might be reading this know that in November of this past year, I lost my dear younger brother Michael. Since that time, I have been struggling with the grief of losing him, managing my already existing depression, dealing with the stress of raising my 2 wonderful boys, and trying to keep up with the pace of a full-time job.
Now, in doing all of this, I seem to sabotage my own progress without even trying. Take today, for example: Several days ago I decided that I would attempt to cut back on some of the medicine that I have been taking in an attempt to come out of the "fog" that I have been feeling (I did talk to my counselor/therapist about this first by the way....for all of you that are wondering if I've tried to do this on my own again!) So, I have actually been feeling normal and seeing a little more sunshine in the past few days...that is, until today when I began to feel like I was "crashing". As the day wore on I kept thinking that maybe I was wrong and that maybe I shouldn't have changed my medications after all. When I got home, I was trying to cook supper, and began to cry when the chicken just wouldn't cut as quickly as I wanted to and then proceeded to have a total meltdown. Elijah immediately came and gave me a kiss and wanted to make everything better and my wonderful husband just held me and told me that everything was going to be okay....now, you ask, how did I sabotage myself??? Well, at about 8:30 tonight it dawned on me that I didn't take my other medications this morning and well, hence the "crashing" feeling....the crying episode....and the meltdown. So, you see, I do not need anyone or anything to help sabotage my progress because I do it all on my own without even realizing.
Now that I have taken a deep breath, said a few more prayers, and pulled myself together I am reflecting on this day. I am convinced that God is teaching me SOMETHING during this process. I have faith that He will get me through this period of my life and that I will become a stronger, wiser individual because of it, but it has only been by His grace, reading His word, and support and prayers from my dear brothers and sisters that I have made it thus far.
"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. Therefore my heart rejoices, and I praise Him with my song." Psalm 28:7
Every time we suffer loss, we encounter an opportunity for the loss to bring gain for Jesus' sake by allowing His life to be revealed in us. - from Breaking Free by Beth Moore
"He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and freedom to the prisoners." Isaiah 61:1